The following poem was sent in from Ian Beale PhD, Mungallala, SW Queensland, with the comment that it is a response to my post on ‘Eating Whales'(7th June) and Senator Andrew Bartlett’s comment that followed the post.
The Vegetarian’s Nightmare
(a dissertation on plants’ rights)
Ladies and diners 1 make you
A shameful, degrading confession.
A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste
Though I did it 1 meant no aggression.
1 had planted a garden last April
And lovingly sang it a ballad.
But later in June beneath a full moon
Forgive me, 1 wanted a salad!
So 1 slipped out and fondled a carrot
Caressing its feathery top.
With the force of a brute 1 tore out the root!
It whimpered and came with a pop!
Then laying my hand on a radish
1 jerked and it left a small crater.
Then with the blade of my True Value spade
1 exhumed a slumbering tater!
Celery 1 plucked, 1 twisted a squash!
Tomatoes were wincing in fear.
1 choked the Romaine. It screamed out in pain,
Their anguish was filling my ears!
I finally came to the lettuce
As it cringed at the top of the row
With one wicked slice 1 beheaded it twice
As it writhed, I dealt a death blow.
1 butchered the onions and parsley.
My hoe was all covered with gore.
1 chopped and 1 whacked without looking back
Then 1 stealthily slipped in the door.
My bounty lay naked and dying
So 1 drowned them to snuff out their life.
1 sliced and 1 peeled as they thrashed and they reeled
On the cutting board under my knife.
1 violated tomatoes
So their innards could never survive.
1 grated and ground ’til they made not a sound
Then 1 boiled the tater alive!
Then 1 took the small broken pieces
1 had tortured and killed with my hands
And tossed them together, heedless of whether
They suffered or made their demands.
1 ate them. Forgive me, I’m sorry
But hear me, though I’m a beginner
Those plants feel pain, though it’s hard to explain
To someone who eats them for dinner!
1 intend to begin a crusade
For PLANT’S RIGHTS, including chick peas.
The A.C.L.U. will be helping me, too.
In the meantime, please pass the bleu cheese.
Baxter Black
Coyote Cowboy Poetry 1986
Jennifer Marohasy BSc PhD is a critical thinker with expertise in the scientific method.
Yes, i used to use that sort of argument to ridicule vegetarianism too. and then I grew up.
I hope your new evidence based environment group will consider some of the issues about what sort of diet has the least environmental impact. There are other ethical, emotional, cultural, social, economic and historical reason why people eat meat, but it would be useful to have a more serious scientific focus on this aspect of the issue – not to guilt-trip people, but to give them some extra facts on which to base rational decisions. (for those not interested in making rational decisions, I guess it doesn’t matter).
Andrew,
I don’t think Ian is a member of the AEF – and I don’t think he intended the poem in bad faith.
I did find the poem amusing.
Your comment did generate some interest.
And I posted the following serious comments at ‘Eating Whales (Part 1)’, these are the issues that perhaps need to be considered for ‘thinking environmentalists’ and I put them in the context of vegetarianism:
1. Is harvesting of the animal (whale/dugong etcetera) sustainable i.e. how are population numbers trending (biodiversity issues)?
2. What is the difference between killing and also eating a whale as opposed to killing/eating dugong, pigs, chickens (i.e. ethical issues)?
3. When we eat a diet high in grains as opposed to meat we are reducing our ecological footprint (i.e. lot of chicken, pork and beef is grain feed, more energy efficient to cut out the last bit of the production line)?
4. What are the human health issues (e.g.I used to be vegetarian for reason no. 3, but was advised that the most ‘natural’ and ‘easiest’ way to fix my then health issues was to to include some red meat in my diet).
I wasn’t meaning to imply that Ian was in the AEF. My ‘request’ for the AEF to consider these issues was separate to my dig at the poem (apologies if I sounded narky, but the ‘plants rights’ line always irritiates me, even in jest (which it by necessity usually is)). It was a genuine ‘request’ – partly because I believe very little serious work has been done on what seems to me a fundamental question. We’ve all got to eat, but how can we do it a way which minimises the environmental impact (this doesn’t negate ethical, health or other reasons. but it would be useful to have the facts more clearly explored and then to consider whether policies should be influenced by it), BTW, I don’t suggest a full scientific outline of the evidence would preclude some animal consumption (esp seafood), but I’d bet a lot that in general it would lean strongly away from meat consumption.
ionolsen23 Hello Jane, great site!