It is not enough to say “excuse me” when you next fart. According to a new company ‘Easy Being Green’, if you really care about the planet you should be prepared to pay something. That’s because flatulence contains methane, a greenhouse gas thought to be contributing to global warming.
The front page of today’s The Australian, features a story today about a grandmother who’s whose daughter spent A$20 to offset two years’ worth of flatulence.
So now, when Mrs Cracknell farts she feels OK because the damage to the planet has been offset.
It seems a rather Catholic approach; the idea that it’s OK to do something as long as you pay some sort of penance and in this way is pardoned.
That’s what it’s really all about isn’t it? That you can buy the right to fart?
Some diets are likely to result in more farting. At least I think I have more flatulence when I’ve eaten a lot of lentils. Maybe we should ban lentils?
Maybe we should just ban capitalism? It has after all created the wealth to support a large intellectual class with nothing better to do than count the number of times its members fart over a two year period.
I mean how else would Mrs Cracknell know that $20 was enough?
Jennifer Marohasy BSc PhD is a critical thinker with expertise in the scientific method.
“grandmother who’s daughter spent A$20”
Puhlease, it’s “whose”.
Aren’t the stories coming thick and fast now?
Is it just me or is it that lately every 5th news report ( especially on good ol’ politically reliable ABC ) is some variation on the climate change theme ?
I wonder if in the long run the ” scary scenario as political re-education ” crowd’s interests are really well served by this nonsense?
The media is a fickle friend…….
This seems to be a rather inefficient scheme for controlling greenhouse gases, since it relies on volunteer payments.
It’s rather well settled that only coercion can achieve the benefits we all seek.
Therefore, a mandatory tax on beans for human consumption is urgently necessary.
Many would call this only a half-measure, since people will still consume beans and emit the planet-destroying gases associated with them.
Which means that we need to phase out the consumption of beans and subsidize research programs which will reduce our reliance on beans.
If successful, we could raise social awareness and, coupled with a bean replacement program, the consumption of beans could be outlawed–and the scourge eliminated forever.
We would, however, have to divert law enforcement efforts to confiscating and eliminating plots of beans, and room in penitentiaries for the growers and consumers of beans, but that is a small price to pay for the benefits to the planet.
P.S. Pythagoras foresaw this.
I am presently selling carbon credits at discount rates, hurry whilst stocks last.
The Catholic approach is about past misdemeanors, a condition of forgivness being that the penitent undertake to try not to sin that way again, and to attempt to make restitution where damage has been done. (Tough on Mrs Cracknell?!!)
These carbon credits are about purchasing a licence to continue with emissions that have been, from time immemorial, an inalienable human right – for the living. Now this right has a price. Wow! They say it is dangerous to get between Government and a bucket of money.
Just imagine; failure to pay up front for the right to emit, and you get, er, shut down. Could solve a lot of poor Gia’s problems.
She should ignite them, or have someone do it for her. Converting the methane containing flatulence to CO2 of less warming potential would be a step in the right direction. Direct her to the nearest university dorm for ignition sequence start instructions and other party tricks.
Speaking of flatulence, Ender is firing from all ports
http://stevegloor.typepad.com/
Will someone go and give him a quickeze?
Dont laugh Luke, I saw a cow with a tank on its back and tubes up its nostrils, all part of an experiment. Next time you play trivial pursuit remember this;
Cows mainly burp, thats why the tube is up their nostril.
Horses cant burp, they can only fart.
Rog:” Horses cant burp, they can only fart.”
Yeah, and their farting is very loud and noisy! LOL! But it doesn’t stink much…so I*m not sure about the methane content.
Ann, methane by itself has no odour, but I’m not sure what we can then deduce about horse emissions.
“She should ignite them”.
The New Scientist once had an article on min-min-type lights, in which the cause was suggested to be marsh gas ignition by spontaneous combustion of phosphane and di-phosphane produced by rotting plant material.
It noted that human diets could also produce these compounds. So self-lighting farts look a possibility – perhaps needing some research on the most effective diet.
Dunno why you\’d put them in the intellectual class, unless you thought the Young Ones and Cheech and Chong were intellectual too.
The Australian’s front page article made me think of “A fool and his (or her) money are soon parted”. Don’t know who to attribute that to. I like the way it is the ex-greenie activist who is parting the fools from their cash. Some fools appear to have more money than they need, so you could view it as a useful re-distribution of wealth.
So. It has come to this. The climate debate has finally been exposed for exhibiting the intellectual rigour of a fart burn-off.
“If cows are causing global warming, and I ate a Big Mac or similar hamburger, could I claim carbon credits for helping eliminate a cow, the major cause of global warming?”
http://washingtontimes.com/national/20070329-120753-3132r_page2.htm